A brave face is easier than a cheerful face

So this is my main challenge of the moment. Keeping cheerful. There are lots of reasons to be cheerful – I have a great job, four beautiful children, things to aim for, I can still cook, blue tits regularly come to the bird feeder on my bedroom window – lots of stuff.

Also there are reasons not to be cheerful: I am ill, consequently I can’t do all the things I want to, sometimes my kids argue with each other, sometimes it won’t stop raining.

The trick is letting the good things win. I am not finding this an easy trick to learn.

So I was very encouraged by reading this Scripture in my Bible reading yesterday:

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

1 Thessalonians 5:16

Got to admit to not doing well on the first one, but I reckon if I do more of the other two then God will make the first one grow.

Boredom

Boredom is good.

Boredom indicates that I have a little more energy than I had a couple of months ago.

However, I am useless at boredom.  I’m sure it’s because I am not very spontaneous.  And I like to feel productive.  Being productive cheers me up.

I don’t think I am very nice to be with when I’m bored.

So now I have a list of things I can do. Weirdly, although being bored means I have more energy, its very hard to come up with something to do right then.  I have to make the list when I am feeling bright – on the bus on the way to work is a good one.  I guess working out what I want to do is a very high energy activity!  Also I have to be very careful not to take on something too drastic, otherwise I get drained and crash next day.  Going for a run, gardening and doing lots of housework are not on the list.

So here is a selection from the list:

Embroidery

Study the Bible

Look up long medical words from the training day I went on this week.

Make healthy scones.

 

Any other suggestions?

 

 

Priorities

Do it, ditch it, delegate it.

Three options for any activity I am involved in.  The difficult bit is the criteria I use to work out which category something will go into.

Now it used to go on how capable I felt of doing it and how necessary it was.  But recently God has challenged me to look at things differently:

 

Which things can nobody else do for you?

 

So now I am trying to prioritise:

My time with God.  Nobody else can read my Bible for me and spend time listening to Him and hear His love for me whispered back.

My time with my husband.  Certainly I seem to remember promising that nobody else was going to do that for me!!!

My time with my children – although this is a bit more flexible, as they have two parents (thankfully).

Now I come to look at it, that is all relationships.  Which makes sense – you can’t delegate a relationship.

Apologise quicker

 

One of the things I learnt when I was first ill (when I was much worse than I am now) was that subtlety takes a lot of energy. Directness is much less draining.

 

This applied especially to apologies. Previously I would spend a lot of time going round and round the thing in my head. Working out what I should have said and what the extenuating circumstances were, and ‘if only they hadn’t said so-and-so I wouldn’t have lost my cool’ (so it was their fault really)… On and on. Very draining.

 

At that time I was sometimes so tired and woolly headed that I couldn’t always have a proper conversation. So I worked out a plan. I went up to the person (usually my long suffering husband) as soon as I had worked out what I’d done, and said, “I’m really sorry I said (whatever it was)”. And that was sometimes all.

 

Now the strange thing about it is, that actually I have found this is a much better way. It makes it easier to apologise properly, without all sorts of qualifications where you end up trying to explain it wasn’t your fault really. Before it ended up being about me, and not about being sorry at all. Its more of a naked apology. Doesn’t come with strings attached. Makes more space for the other person to express themselves.

 

I am fortunate (how I thank God for this one!) that my husband works from home and is therefore always available to be apologised to! But even if the person isn’t right there, I have started to apologise quicker anyway – a quick text as soon as I realise what an idiot I’ve been. The conversation (if there needs to be one) can come later.

 

 

Not Primarily Scientific

I don’t think things happen by chance.

I believe that God controls the world and what happens in it.  It doesn’t mean He likes all the things that happen, but He is sovereign.

Before we get too theological I’d better explain that I have recently been diagnosed with ME.  This has been a long time coming – I was first ill about a year ago, and have been struggling to get back to full health ever since.  I’ve had all kinds of tests, and my GP has eventually concluded its ME.  I’ll leave you to Google that yourselves.  For me it means I have reduced levels of energy that can’t be resolved by a couple of days rest and a good nights sleep, I have a limited ability to concentrate, and I have problems with dark artificially lit rooms.  That last one is a bit random I know.

Living with these limitations has taught me so much – or I should more accurately say, Jesus has used these circumstances to teach me things.  I don’t think He wants me to suffer, but I do think he wants me to mature.  I wanted to share some of these lessons.  So here I am blogging.  Not something that I would have seen myself doing a year ago!

So back to chance. Or the lack of it.

I would rather believe in a God who has my best interests at heart, who loves me but also allows difficult circumstances to come along in my life, who promises to never leave me while I grapple with them, than that my life is formed by chance.

So that being said, I want to learn and grow all I can, with the help of the Holy Spirit, while I’m walking through this trial.